My Decolonial Journey: Epitome of Resilience and Strength by Taima Moeke-Pickering

Had I known from the get-go that learning about decolonization is a life-long journey, I would have kept a journal. This OpED is a small glimpse into my decolonial journey.

Building a decolonization lens is not easy. Depending on what is your starting point, in my case Indigenous, I came to learn that there are a number of veins on the Decolonial highway. I stayed on the Indigenous vein for many years because it was important for me to build and own my own Indigeneity. This part was not easy either. Why? Under colonization, Indigenous peoples are viewed (still are) as degenerative savages stuck in a primitive condition (YoungBlood). Christians, saviours, and over-eager helpers would find us as the ideal candidates for fixing. They still do. The colonial and subsequent empires espoused progression and development, we got in the way because we were here first. Still are. So they gave us options: war, Treaty or just complete takeover without our consent ‘terra nullius’. Colonists framed this as ‘justified violence’ a means to progress the world, guilt free. The general framework for colonisation is rooted in modernity, science and progress maintained by legal order. Reframing Indigenous as primitive, maintains the colonial order at every level of society.

A decolonial lens assists to understand the many layers of colonisation, provides us with counter narratives, as well as helps us with understanding the insanity of what it means to be dehumanized as Indigenous, as women and having our own intelligence. By the way, In Aotearoa we won the Treaty prize. It is a bit like gambling, lots of incentives but the house always wins.

On the trail toward finding my wellBeing as an Indigenous Maori woman in Aotearoa, New Zealand in the 80’s I jumped through, walked around, ran by and somersaulted my way through large roadblocks. These roadblocks feel like, sound like and smell like; guilt, shame, racism, sexualized violence, you can’t, don’t bring up the past, you are not Maori enough, its tapu (sacred), get married and have children, smart girls don’t do that, and the one I love the most (not) was you are not a real Indigenous person until you speak your language fluently. A decolonial lens, can assist with debunking colonial myths. Such statements are not only oppressive, designed to keep the colonial order, but when understood, provides teachable moments. My mother unlocked my guilt-laden why can’t I speak my language piece for me. On one of those teachable moments convos with her, she shared with me that she was beaten, criticized and shamed for speaking her language from five years old until the time she headed to high school. My heart broke into a million pieces. Decolonization for me was not only gathering up the pieces, but it allowed us to cry together for our intergenerational losses that included our lands, our sovereignty and our wahine-ness. I am so proud that she is a Maori native speaker. For me, my Indigenous speak is through writing and teaching. In my decolonized ‘take the chains of my brain mindset’, that is good enough for me at this time. Decolonization is healing and mirroring back to ourselves, that we are the epitome of resilience and strength.

Women and girls are deprived of their humanity, rights and dignity. We can’t walk down the streets at night, we can’t dress right, we are not in leadership positions, we are still under parity with wages, there is not enough women in the sciences, we have high rates of sexual violence and this is the short list. Decolonizing being a woman, is extremely difficult, because sexism is pervasive. You have to be stubborn, and yes, the christian girl thing is that good girls are submissive, the underlying message here is to uphold patriarchy. As women and girls, we are not allowed to seek the truth. Luckily, I persevered but truthfully I met people along the way who cheered me on. You really need cheerleaders who are on your side, it is a difficult terrain to walk through. Remember, at every turnpoint there is the pervading thought and practice that Indigenous are never going to be good enough and women are the helpers of society not the leaders. Okay you and I know that this is BS, so a decolonial lens provides us with what is possible, what is our potential and how do we get there. Some nice person told me to read, read and read some more and attend as many conferences as you can until the information you pick up makes sense and matches your heart. In a nutshell, if I was to summarise all what I found, a decolonial lens is really about finding the potential of and respect for all humanity. Maori culture promotes “he aha te mea nui, he tangata he tangata he tangata: what is the greatest thing, it is people, people, people”. Anishnaabe cultures talk about the Medicine Wheel Teachings being inclusive of all peoples across the world. My aunt who lives in England (yes my father is English) told me that they have spirituality, but they kept it hidden. Why? Because 3 kilometers from our homelands in Kent, is the last of the witch burning site. It is used as a reminder to women and girls, to be submissive, not to be educated, speak out and draw on healing and spirituality.

Decolonization at a human level for me simply means freeing my mind, my body and spirit. In the last few weeks I have been watching the Kavanaugh case. The women’s movements and pro-supporter movements really gave me hope. This case showed us that speaking out is not easy, disrupting oppressive systems is possible, and highlighted the potential of women power across the world. When sexual survivors speak out, they help us all to free our mind, body and spirit, that this is within our personal reach.

Why is this important? A decolonial lens helps us to navigate the maize of internalized oppression, racism and sexism assaults. Our power to re-imagine what the world should be, and how we connect those imaginations with a-like minded others will help us to create new worldviews that are Indigenous inclusive, women and girl legitimizing and hopefully becomes the new legal order.